This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
