i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Randomize