if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
