i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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