First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
