I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
