I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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