If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize