Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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