Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
