Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
