i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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