Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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