so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
