I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
