"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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