It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize