You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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