i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
