Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
