There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
