so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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