My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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