At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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