Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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