Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
