Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
