A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize