FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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