On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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