Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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