I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
