i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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