just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize