New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
