got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
