I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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