ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
