very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
