your thong is hanging out like whoa
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
