I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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