Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
