So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
