Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
