I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize