this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
