How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
