ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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