how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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