you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
