what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
