gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
