i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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