There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
