I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
