when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize