I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
