It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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