If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
