I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
