At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
