guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
