just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
