he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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