is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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