I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
