I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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