I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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