All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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