wanna go halves on a baby?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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