Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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