i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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